Spare the Rod (3)

(…continued from my last blog)

He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (Proverbs 13:24)

Whichever bible version you choose to look at Proverbs 13:24 with, the key message there in is Disciplining. Does disciplining only involve the stick? When we examine Proverbs 29:15 (Thy rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother), we realize that using one without the other will not give the much sought after result. Do we ever ask ourselves why we are using the rod over and over, over the same thing and getting the same results? The rod used more often is the stick, have we ever thought that discipline can also be achieved by words and other actions? As I write this, my heart is heavy because I just found out that someone I entrusted my two year old with has been beating the daylights out of him for “making noise” and they referred to “spare the rod” in their defense.

Discipline essentially entails teaching and guiding them in the way they should go; equipping them to choose right over wrong. This is also in tandem with Proverbs 22:6 which says,

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The word “discipline” is derived from the Latin word disciplina meaning “instruction and training”. It’s derived from the root word discere which means “to learn.” The word “discipline” comes from the same root word as “disciple,” therefore discipline involves teaching, training, setting an example of proper behaviour, and giving consequences that help a child learn how to behave better. A closer look at the shepherd’s use of the rod, reveals that its purpose was far from beating the sheep into shape but more for guiding the sheep in the way they should go and protecting them from harm. In our use of the “rod”, are we discipling these children?

Let’s look at another verse; Psalms 23:4

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me”

Now, the “rod” as we know it is not exactly comforting. How then do we reconcile the two kinds of rods? My understanding of discipline in practical terms is that we can discipline our children by lovingly teaching, providing logical consequences, withholding privileges, sometimes allowing for natural consequences for purposes of learning and reinforcing good behaviour. Isn’t this how our Lord lovingly disciplines us? Using the physical rod unsparingly may provide temporary relief to the one administering it but there is no guarantee that life-long learning has taken place unless one’s understanding of life-long learning is trauma, fear and many other unpleasant consequences as explored in my previous blogs.
My parting shots on this matter are summed up well by the following quote;

“In the short term, corporal punishment may produce obedience. But it is a fact documented by research that in the long term the results are inability to learn, violence and rage, bullying, cruelty, inability to feel another’s pain especially that of one’s own children, even drug addiction and suicide, unless there are enlightened or at least helping witnesses on hand to prevent that development.”

Alice Miller

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